a trip to and back.

a friend said almonds will help me sleep dreams-free (yes, plural).. the problem is, im not really fond of those things.. and, in less than 12 hours after purchasing 2bags of chocolates from dutyfree, my siblings ate everything in the ref that says 'with almonds'.. unbelievable these people.

recently, my dreams have been leaving me: (a) even more stressed; (b) with a massive headache; (c) in tears.

ive dreamt of:
(1) accidentally killing someone i love.. (2 different people. 2 different dreams.)
(2) me having killed a little girl; tried to bury her in the sand using my feet and at the same time hiding what i was doing from a soldier that was working night shift. (im not a psycho! it's a dream!)
(3) the dream i always have once or twice a month since....... time immemorial
(4) all my teeth falling off
(5) my friends, for some unknown reason, hating me. (waking up believing they actually do)

and i just discovered i have 3 written posts about 'my dreams' saved in my draft folder..so for over a month now, ive been trying to write about the shit in my head but always fail. pathetic. like really pathetic.

..im a such a baby i know.

my #1 and #2 saved drafts were actually attempts to write about my #2 dream (me having killed a little girl). Again, im going to try to write about this just so i can say i was able to let it out. it scared the hell out of me... for days, whenever i was left alone with my thoughts, i was convinced that there was really something wrong with me.

and now, to the dream. i always refer to this as 'the sand' dream.

the moon was covered by the clouds.. it was a classic setting of a horror film except it's not..it looked like i was in a dessert.. the dream did not actually happen scene by scene, like in full details.. it just skipped and skipped, but not too much.. just enought to still tell me the story.

little girl..i cant remember how she looked like (darn it! it's 11:10 pm and im alone. and im starting to get scared. :'| i wanna stop thinking about the dream but i wont.) ..she was in a swing.. she looked innocent (bloody hell! goosebumps.). next thing i know, she's lying on the sand. swing gone. How i felt? scared and guilty. super duper scared. i started looking around. not to ask for help, because i knew i killed the girl. i started covering the body with the sand using only my feet.and then, the soldier unexpectedly entered the scene. from a deserted place, there suddenly stood a guardhouse (kinda). whenever i feel him looking my direction, i would stop what i was doing.

-i have to stop. 'di ku na kaya. thinking about it too much gives the characters faces. i have to stop. sorry if i freaked you out. i did manage to scare myself even more. wtf. that's very short but shit did it scare me. bloody hell i hope the cake i ate kanina wont give me dreams tonight.