december blues.

last year. the year before that. and finally this year. yep. i therefore conclude that december is NOT my month at all! i have two written accounts saved somewhere in my documents (year '06 and '07) that described how i was on the month of december during those years. written during the first week of christmas break actually. i didn't get anything informative from those reads.

stupid (but a rather possible) reason: my serotonin level drops during the month of december. laugh all you want. lol

causes of depression (really) for year '08:
(1) research study that's making me go nuts in the head.
(2) research respondents who DO NOT RESPOND.
(3) completion. arg!!
(4) case freakin study (it's easy except research is screwing with my head)
(5) nokia 1100 that i love so much that got stolen :(
(6) my globe simcard that im very much dependent on. i need my contacts
(7) sty on my left eye that hurts very much (humabol pa for year '08)
(8) the spare phone that i use for my sunsim (nokia 2630) fell from the computer table and now the LCD's broken. :( im now using the other 2630 spake phone
(9) work-freakin-sheets.
(10) my plans of studying over the break-------hopeless.

needless to say, im not very fond of december.

i hope year '09 will be good to me.

Top 15 most played in my ipod

(1) the masterplan - oasis
(2) viva la vida - coldplay (im just so sorry they're being sued by joe satriani for this song.. it's NOT a basket case if i say so myself...)
(3) everything we had - the academy is (dutymates hate this. no comment.)
(4) deep inside of you - third eye blind
(5) thunder - boys like girls
(6) walk me home - mandy moore (seriously it helps me sleep)
(7) disease - matchbox 20
(8) sunday morning - maroon 5
(9) float on - ben lee
(10) when did your heart go missing - rooney
(11) brick - ben folds five
(12) don't look back in anger - oasis
(13) later - Fra lippo lippi
(14) High - James Blunt
(15) Insensitive - Jann Arden

i stopped using my eyedrops (without consulting my MD) 3 days ago because of chest pains.. it was starting to freak me out.. the longest one lasted about 3-5 minutes.. chest pain is finally down to 1-2 times a day from the usual 5-6 times... the first day i stopped the drops, the chest pain frequency went up to 9 times.. that was a painful day (saturday..) today(monday) i only had 2 (maybe still counting but im hoping nottttt) ....and... headache is becoming a frequent visitor.. again.. so im torn... eyedrops or not? chest pain or headaches? FUCK! i hate glaucoma!!!! i fucking hate my genes!

one year without yellowwwww.

yellow-ish theme..

except we're not yellow-ing :)

it's been a year lap!
.puffpuff no longer.

my bucket list.

i find that i dont know what to write in my bucket list.. the only thing i was able to come up with is this: a backpack trip to europe...........nothing after that..... how boring is that?

since glaucoma excuses me from doing something stupid like riding the damned roller coaster, i cant think of anything else to do.. i can of course do something equally stupid (no offense coaster addicts) that would frighten the shit out of me to prove to myself that im no chicken.. like....
(1) climb the eiffel tower and/or the statue of liberty. i did promise once that i will NEVER, not ever..not even for a million dollars.
(2) blow up a presidential car (without harming anyone of course)
(3) experience crossing the infamous bermuda triangle

hahaha.. this here is the real one
(1) go to mecca for the pilgrimage.
(2) a backpack trip to europe
(3) roadtrip from one state to the next.
(4) buy $150 worth of lottery tickets. and if i do win, i'd buy more tickets worth $500
(5) built a mosque with my winnings. if i dont win, id still build one. or more.
(6) blow up a presidential car (i was serious)
(7) experience being hypnotized (by a professional shrink mind you)
(8) if by then i wouldnt forget, id try electroconvulsive therapy. seriously.
(9) ............................

i'll give myself until the end of this year to come up with at least ten more for this stupid list.. if by then id still have nothing, id get rid of this damn list lol

love of my life.

meet (Datu) Khalel Liam Sy Jainal

my nephew.

this is crazy!

i love him soooooooo much! :)

now i know.

a trip to and back.

a friend said almonds will help me sleep dreams-free (yes, plural).. the problem is, im not really fond of those things.. and, in less than 12 hours after purchasing 2bags of chocolates from dutyfree, my siblings ate everything in the ref that says 'with almonds'.. unbelievable these people.

recently, my dreams have been leaving me: (a) even more stressed; (b) with a massive headache; (c) in tears.

ive dreamt of:
(1) accidentally killing someone i love.. (2 different people. 2 different dreams.)
(2) me having killed a little girl; tried to bury her in the sand using my feet and at the same time hiding what i was doing from a soldier that was working night shift. (im not a psycho! it's a dream!)
(3) the dream i always have once or twice a month since....... time immemorial
(4) all my teeth falling off
(5) my friends, for some unknown reason, hating me. (waking up believing they actually do)

and i just discovered i have 3 written posts about 'my dreams' saved in my draft folder..so for over a month now, ive been trying to write about the shit in my head but always fail. pathetic. like really pathetic.

..im a such a baby i know.

my #1 and #2 saved drafts were actually attempts to write about my #2 dream (me having killed a little girl). Again, im going to try to write about this just so i can say i was able to let it out. it scared the hell out of me... for days, whenever i was left alone with my thoughts, i was convinced that there was really something wrong with me.

and now, to the dream. i always refer to this as 'the sand' dream.

the moon was covered by the clouds.. it was a classic setting of a horror film except it's not..it looked like i was in a dessert.. the dream did not actually happen scene by scene, like in full details.. it just skipped and skipped, but not too much.. just enought to still tell me the story.

little girl..i cant remember how she looked like (darn it! it's 11:10 pm and im alone. and im starting to get scared. :'| i wanna stop thinking about the dream but i wont.) ..she was in a swing.. she looked innocent (bloody hell! goosebumps.). next thing i know, she's lying on the sand. swing gone. How i felt? scared and guilty. super duper scared. i started looking around. not to ask for help, because i knew i killed the girl. i started covering the body with the sand using only my feet.and then, the soldier unexpectedly entered the scene. from a deserted place, there suddenly stood a guardhouse (kinda). whenever i feel him looking my direction, i would stop what i was doing.

-i have to stop. 'di ku na kaya. thinking about it too much gives the characters faces. i have to stop. sorry if i freaked you out. i did manage to scare myself even more. wtf. that's very short but shit did it scare me. bloody hell i hope the cake i ate kanina wont give me dreams tonight.

..im coming HOME :)

.a quick preview of my trip.

baka kasi sabihin ng iba na ang tamad tamad kong magkwento.

well, here it is.

that's me in san francisco.

jumping like an idiot, yeah.

goodness, that thing smells.
narealize ku lang after, shithead!

i was ecstatic nung nakita ku yan!
kyutness noh?

that's my ayah and a stray deer at Yosimite Park.
haha just kidding.

harry bloody potter @ hollywood.
humiga pa ku jan bwahhaha

gubay cams! im going to miss you!! see you in less than a year!
BWAHAHA next year next year!

gubay vegas!

this is my favorite part :D

not the casino mind you haha

my favorite spot.
:( gubay.

gubay disney :)
loved the fireworks. 'twas the best.

gubay tita clarie's home.
gubay my beloved giraffe (just in case i cant bring you).

and lastly..
ms. maria cristina pamintuan lapiz, masunget ka tlga!
bwahahaha. kasiiiii eh..

Vegas slip :)

the sister :)
at treasure island.

was thinking of andeng!
the beatles right behind us.

only four of us.
i wonder what that spot thing is.

Ayah will always be Ayah. haha
i'm wearing pants, mind you.

imagine she allowed this to happen?

im supposed to be a minor!


guess i was lucky :)

..i got to play!

..a weird HIGH

my dutymates would have a heart attack if they'd find out about this. i had a weird high..... right after i jumped off the bed (not literally), i had the urge to d.a.n.c.e! i just like stood still, pondered the thought of whether or not i should feed my insanity ... and then i said, WTF? there's no one here to kill from shock! i say, limewire, here i come!

now, if i may, i'd give you my most recent playlist. HAHAHAHA. (im not even sure if i got the titles and artists right. limewire can be shitty. will tell you 'bout it in a sec. and im too freakin' lazy to go check.)
(1) kiss kiss.
(2) bartender
(3) love in this club
(4) shortie like mine
(5) run it!
(6) smack that
(7) sexy back
(8) 'Lil love

i figured not to write the artists in case i had them wrong. i dont wanna embarrass myself more than i should :) BWAHAHA. i was thinking of my dutymates while doing the search. i kept on picturing them dancing to these songs. i wouldn't have had even ONE song if it wasn't for them. seriously.

about the shitty limewire.....or maybe not... haha.. nahhhh.. nevermind.. lemme suffer alone..

i am sooooo gonna get myself more jackets... just hope my mom would allow me to have more.. she thinks i already have too much.. i can never have enough! i cant do without jackets. it's a need, not for fashion, but for survival! OA!!haha but seriously! you cant believe how much i cant stand the cold....like really!

..a sicko

i am of course referring to myself.. if there's nothing wrong with my head, it'll be my eyes--or something else. What could the something be again? It's my bloody nose. Like literally.

It's been bleeding. Again. The last time i had problems with the temperature (too cold for my nose's liking) was in fourth grade. Like i almost bled to death! Doctor said my nerves are too thin. That's it. My mom figured to never turn on my AC to a level that would make 'kim's nose bleed.' bloody hell. what is wrong with my genes?

glaucoma. that's the worse. medications forever.
migraine. need i elaborate just how painful migraines can be?
bloody nose. it's inconvenient. like really.

i hope the list ends here.

i know i have problems with sugar, but pls! dont give me DM. as sick as this may sound, but i've always wished for sweet amnesia to come rescue me. can You give me that instead? (looks up and smiles hopefully.) it's like the most creative escape i can have. i'd just have to re-orient myself with everything and everyone! That'll be cool, right? -haha fine fine. it's sick. what can i say? i'm a sicko. like literally.

i need a pen.

i need a pretty pen.. i need to start writing nonsense. the combination of 'i cant sleep' and 'laptop 24/7' is not helping my eyes and my head. haha. plus, i keep forgetting my meds. i hate qaysir's phone. the 'clock' part i love and hate. i love that it shows me the phils time but i hate the fact that it's SLOW. like it'll show me the thing like five seconds after. -yes. i am very impatient.

im going to disney tomorrow! yey! the only sad part is, my sister is not arriving 'til the 22nd. that's VEGAS night for US. Staying there for two nights. i cant wait to see the LIGHTS!

everyone's going to think IM so shallow 'coz i cant wait to go to hollywood! haha walk of fame here i come!!

i need a list. this will NOT be THE LIST. it's just A LIST.
(1) a black jacket. because surprisingly, i dont own one.
(2) another white jacket. because someone ruined my favorite nike jacket.
(3) bags. one messenger bag and....
(4) a pretty pen with a pretty ink. and a pretty mech pencil.
(5) another notebook. it's an obsession. im sorry. haha
(6) chucks. highcut. color? undecided.

the wish list. farfetched.
(1) laptop. darn.
(2) a pretty mp3 player.
(3) wii (HAHA)
(4) camera
(5) a bike : haha i love this neighborhood. a bike would make me happier. haha
(6) i wanna take home lots and lots and lots of bacon (it's turkey, if you must know.)

and now, i call this the estupid list. jowk!
(1) pasalubongs. haha pag may matira sa pera KO, why not? haha

i've been using the word PRETTY so much i no longer know what it means.

body clock screwed.

it's been ??? since i've got here, and still, i can hardly keep up with THEIR clock..
at five in the morning, im still up and kicking.
makes sense really since 5am here would mean 3pm in the Philippines.
so when i get to finally sleep, i'd wake up two hours after.
just like taking a bloody nap.
bloody hell.
makes sense if i was HOME. but im not.
i've had three migraine attacks since i've been here.
not having my sweet dolcet with me is pure torture.

blaahhhhh

white f.LAP.py clouds

and now my page features flap.

for an unknown reason, my mother has been asking about her.

my second night here: (at 3 in the freakin' morning)

kiemy's mom: have you called lap? (yeah surprise surprise she calls you lap too!)

kiemy: (sounds really freakin' surprised) No. WHY?

kiemy's mom: so she'd know you're here na.

kiemy: why wounldn't she know? she knew i was leaving.

end of conversation.

and lastnight (at 5 in the freakin' morning)

kiemy's mom: so did you email lap?

kiemy: (eyes bulging.) noooo. why??

kiemy's mom: why not?

kiemy: if you should know, she's not fond of the internet like i am. im pretty sure i wont be hearing a word from her until school starts.

end of another weird conversation.

and then TODAY! while chatting with my sister SHEL.

and my DAD. (i could hardly believe what i was reading!)

and now i copy-paste

Sheila: chat kyo ni lapis lagi?

Kim: why is everyone asking about lap?

Kim: no.. we havent talked since i left

Sheila: wla lng keber b..

Sheila: keber!

Sheila: sbi ni pah she must be gud daw otherwise di k nya pahiramin ng cp..

Kim: she is....

so tonight, im going to introduce my other friends to my mom c/o friendster.

see you november 3 lap.

as if you're gonna see this.

dressing rooms make me wanna pee......

Beverly Hills.

I actually went SHOPPING today.

Well, I would define it as shopping, but I’m pretty sure my sisters would call it GRABBING. (+snickers+) I wouldn’t have gone inside that store (because I know my sisters would have a panic attack if they see me ATTEMPTING to buy myself anything that are NOT JACKETS or anything that fits that department) but I had no choice. If I didn’t shop tonight, I’d be left with nothing to wear for the rest of my stay here. Stupid (rather lazy) me didn’t pack well. I ended up forgetting the important things: Like PANTS!

It gives them (my fashionable sisters) nightmares. The horrors they go through to have to watch me grab something from the racks and then immediately pay for it. (GUILTY!) The moment we got home, Mother dearest asked me to wear everything from tonight, and with a heavy heart, I obeyed. So girls, breathe. Everything fits nicely. And no reason to panic, really. They were not for any of you. I’ll be waiting for Ayah so she could do the shopping for the rest of you. I know how much you’d hate me if I buy something that will NOT FIT. Once she arrives from New York, I would give her the honor of shopping even for myself. I’d be eternally grateful. You know I would be. :p

ooops?

kittkiempau.

girls! im sorry!! i would have texted you both kaya lang nung nagpalit na ku ng phone (qaysir's nice phone) wala ung contacts ku! si lap and jared (akalin nyo!) lang ung natxt ku.. for one, si jared kasi NAGTEXT. twas a reply. si lap kasi number nya lang ung memorize ku! memo ko ung sun mu kitt, not your globe. kaya aun! i told lap naman to tell you both na nawala ung contacts ku kaya di ku kau ntxt :( sorry!!

having a jurasic phone makes me an ENGOT for really nice celphones.. nayon ku lang nadiscover panu makita ung contacts from my simcard. And......yung roaming ku naman, ilang araw pa daw sbi ni cess... i'll let you know once it's activated.

it's a pen drooling all over a nice paper.

the thing. my thing.

After ONLY two cans of mountain dew, my head started throbbing. Now, if mountain dew can do this to me (plus an unfriendly amount of junk junkies), I wonder what coffee can do to me... Like really, two cans of mountain dew? Just how pathetic is that?

I didn’t realize I was going to have another migraine attack until I saw myself doing this thing with my face. See, before my head would actually start killing me with the pain, my face would go numb. I would try moving my facial muscles (inserts kiemy’s facial exercise here), for like good ten minutes, before I’d realize I need to take my sweet Dolcet to knock me out from the pain. Last night was different though. Instead of being dysfunctional (like I always am whenever I get these headaches), my head kept writing! It was……..energizing. I actually saw the words in my head, saw myself scribbling the words on the blank pages of my sketchbook and even saw myself DRAAAAAAAAAW. It was like I had a HIGH. Except I didn’t take anything. I was literally unmoving, frozen to my spot, afraid that any movement or whatsoever, would make all the ideas disappear. That was a good thirty or so minutes—before my head remembered it was actually HURTING.

Bloody hell, where are my eye drops? (Alphagan is alright. Betoptic, on the other hand, stings. Gimme 10 minutes.)

I hate thinking I’d have these medications my whole life. 3 months and still I FORGET.. I need constant reminding, only NOBODY, not even my mom, remembers. LOL. So much for afraid of going blind.

Speaking of blindness… I didn’t get to do ANYTHING productive on my 13-hour flight. I couldn’t shake the feeling off. I’d close and rest my eyes whenever I feel weird, and then I would end up sleeping for like 30 minutes… then jerk back to wakefulness without opening my eyes, afraid I’d see only darkness. That was stressful. Like really, really stressful. I’d take the EK ride (that I hate so much) anytime!

..and the problem with me? Everyone who comes to the US do a lot of peso-dollar converting. I DON’T. I ended up with a Php 400 worth of ordinary looking sketchbook, that I’m not even certain what to do with. Since I don’t have even an ounce of an artist’s blood in me, I’m sure I would be putting good money to waste with my nonsense. It's going to be another pen-drooling episode in my very dull life.

...and then suddenly we're fucked up

i was in a good mood five minutes ago.. until i decided to open andrea's email to check our adviser's reply regarding our paper only to find out we're in deep shiiit. screwed. AGAIN.

i am NOT high maintenance.

the idea is just absurd..having a preference is NOT high maintenance..i'm thinking of how my high school friends would react to this and i'm 100% sure they'd look at my college friends with questioning looks..if i could just draw their faces here, i would..it's just ridiculous to even consider the thought of me being high maintenance, really..these words do not exist to describe me... it's just not right.

and no, i am not in denial.

happy birthday to my superfriend slash supershrink

Happy Birthday Laptop!!

i know you hate this picture

haha couldn't resist :) and then...

i accidentally discovered a CD that has several PICTURES OF YOU in it

uber cool dba? it's the wonders of the Wonder Island experience O.o haha

those pics might come in handy kaya i will save those for future use +smirks.

i love you uber much!!

Happy birthday :)

PS> im sorry about kanina. i didnt know (as usual) that i was being mean na.

thank you lifehouse HAHA

really. haha sorry!

my sister..

http://pjainal.multiply.com/journal/item/8

sigh...................

b0inking up and d0wn!!

classes and duty suspended tomorrow, June 23, 2008! Sweeeeeeet!!!

silencio.

June 21, 2008 Saturday 10:05 PM

set my alarm at 3:30am to make sure i wouldn't be late for duty in the morning. i closed my eyes, cursed everything that deserves to be cursed and let out a loud sigh. no point hating everything, i said to myself. hope for a storm then maybe you wouldn't have to be up on ungodly hours tomorrow. the cold water is a problem yes, but the real deal is this: being on duty on a SUNDAY does something to your head that would make you wanna scream for.......for what exactly? i have no idea. i just don't wanna go. not on a sunday. or not ever.
June 22, 2008 Sunday 12:53 AM

there's something about my head that just woudn't stop! when i need it to be up and kicking, it wants to sleep. when i need it to sleep, it's WIDE AWAKE. wtf i nearly threw my phone when i saw the time. wtf am i doing up this early?

June 22, 2008 Sunday 3:00 AM

you woke up thirty minutes before you actually should! DAMN YOU!! -cursed. and then went back to bed.

June 22, 2008 Sunday 3:35 AM

nearly threw my phone away. freakin' alarm wont stop. after five minutes of contemplating,(really it was a silent battle between my head and my body) i decided to take a bath. the cold water should wake me up.
June 22, 2008 Sunday 4:04 AM

scared. just noticed the sound that the wind was making. it was like wisphering death to me. should i or should i not go? FUCK DUTY, right? i might die from whatever it is that's flying out there. Life is more precious than a 16-hour make-up duty (that is worth Php 1,600.oo). FUCK LOGIC kiemy! don't kill yourself!

June 22, 2008 Sunday 4:38 AM

on the taxi on my way to school. O.o stupid logic won't make me stay home.

June 22, 2008 Sunday 4:45 AM

arrived school. everyone's asking::: MAY DUTY BA TALGA??

June 22, 2008 Sunday 5:15 AM

the two groups decided (bravely) to text our (most probably) sleeping clinical instuctors. no one's responding. fifteen minutes later, jared's phone started ringing. everyone waited anxiously, our eyes reflecting hope and our heads silently screaming for " pls say NO DUTY!"

June 22, 2008 Sunday 5:38 AM

silently seated in jared's car, thankful for two things: No duty and for the free ride! woop!

6:31 am...

This day should be GREAT! Sweet life, no duty!!! :)

i miss my super invisible superfriends :)

not my favorite pic, but this is the only thing i have lol (R-L) kitt. kim. pau. lap. andeng.
strangers would think that pau and lap are bestfriends.look at that pic! man their cheeks are actually touching! BWAHA (ps. they're like strangers who belong to the same group. lol)

kitt.
the person who just can't stop smiling.
she's the smallest in the group (did i need to point that out? snort)

chem and physics genius. haha i'd pro bably never get over that fact. :p
kim.
that would be me.
defender of the universe slash rubber face.
pau.
she's going to have a lovelife soon. finally!!

this time it'll be different! *wink wink

lap.
my sometimes ineffective shrink that i miss so much :)

this is pyukabol i know, but hey, no one knows about this blog so who cares?

one day, we're going to malate church together! :) maybe on your birthday?
andeng.
dutymates now and until we boink away from nevermindland!
thank heavens i have you as my dutymate!

the giraffes in my life.

aren't they cute? :D

Hairy Blake, the little one on the left was a gift from my also hairy superfriend, lap. :) tenchu somats berimats lap! haylabyew so!
Cheapy Graff, from yours truly, was a cheap one (hence the name). i was lucky to have found him (wtf?). He's so cheap i decided to leave his pricetag on forever and ever. lol it says $4.99, but in truth, i only paid a hundred and nine PESOS! imagine that?.

PS. necklessgiraffe, my first giraffe, is missing still :'( i miss that little guy. whoever has him, please return him to me. He's the cutest thing i have. *wipes away genuine tears. sniff sniff.*

the picture.

just beautiful.

just like heaven :)

heavenly melts.

hershey's nuggets. milk truffles.

what a genius!

the best thing there is.

right now i will do anything (moral) to get my hands on some yummy truffles.

yummy these things. was never a fan of chocolates but when my brother asked me to try.....YUMYUMYUM... just the right thing for me. not too sweet. just right :)

this is something i never thought id be doing. lol writing about a chocolate HAHA. but this is really really good. heavenly really. -i tried describing it but..... lol it didn't seem nice so nevermind.

leaving.

i'll be missing............it

..lame

i wanted a cake for my birthday.for the first time in 20 years, i actually wanted something.A CAKE.it's lame i know.this year's birthday is one of my saddest.yep.sad.

uncharacteristically me.

what is?