after june.

i cried a river a few days before i graduated grade school.. i loved my bestfriends (then, tabs and kristine) too much i couldn't bear the thought of being in high school without them as my classmates.. LAME right? but what was i to do? since fourth grade, they were my buddy buddies. We would walk anywhere together, holding hands! imagine that! haha!

High school came and i cried even harder (without anyone knowing.) I discovered i was the only one of us eight who didn't have a close friend in class. I had NO ONE. Not even an 'a-ok kinda friend'.. There were only TWO of us from my grade school class and it was a HE! Imagine the state of depression i was in..... i felt that with that kind of arrangement (for good four years), id definitely lose my bestfriends..
only a few months in high school and i already lost THE bestfriend... one day, tabs (good lord did i love her too much!) texted me.. i was in the car with my siblings on our way to school. It wasnt unusual to receive a text msg from her that early in the morning.. I was my 13 year old self whose significant persons were her peers.. and to receive a msg that says: "aalis na ako sa barkada" was just heartbreaking. We didn't speak for 3 months but she continued staying with the group. I wouldn't ignore her, but i wouldn't talk to her either. That was the hardest thing. One would think that after a month id get used to not talking to her but it got harder everyday. We hit the 3-month mark and nothing changed. I would see her in most days with tired eyes and even though i wanted to ask her what the problem was, i never did. I would ask our bestfriend, kristine, to console her. I would, however, ask kristine not to tell me anything. I was getting used to not having her in my life. She made a choice. I made mine too.

We're still friends. She apologized, not really explaining what made her send me that text message. After high school, i asked her that ONE question that made me so cynical about having 'bestfriends' (she never knew that it was her doing). She couldn't give me an answer--and i hated it.

So now, im counting the days before id finally graduate from college. Thinking about it makes me hyperly-happy. I will be freed from the chains ive been locked to for FOUR looooong years. The torment i went through--the torturously long nights of coming up with lenghty CRAP to submit to our @*#^$%$%*#^*#&$ is finally over.

It's FINALLY over. Thank heavens!

But.....

thinking about parting ways with my friends makes me stop.
i will miss them that's for sure.
they made school less of a hell to go to.
they made everything bearable.
sometimes--fine!--most of the time, they're the reason why i DO NOT absent myself from class.
i dont drink. i dont smoke. but i have the tendency to REBEL academically.
which i actually did. Not once but ehem.... (hehe sorry Ayah.)

im just sorry we have to professionally grow in different parts of the world.
i wish i can take them with me.
i can handle change alright (thanks to tabs) but it'll really ROCK my world if i can have even just one of my friends with me.
preferably.... HAHA i will not go that farrr. I leave that to You.